I’ve seen a change in myself. I’m not sure if I like it. I liked that I found romance to be awkward and was often uncomfortable if an effort was made from a man to be romantic. I don’t do rose petals on the bed, or songs being sung to me, or even flowers (though flowers are rather innocent and I don’t so much mind this). All of this mostly just makes me feel uncomfortable and I don’t know how to react and I wish I was anywhere other than where the romance was happening.
But A makes me want to make mixed tapes for chrissakes. Mixed tapes! Do you know how long it’s been since I made a mixed tape for a boy? He makes me want to do some of those romantic things that I would have shunned only a few months ago. It’s not at the point where I want to run through a field of daisies holding hands with him, but maybe there’s something more to this romance thing than I originally thought?
I love that he always carries the heavy bags, without asking. That he always opens doors for me. That he will wrap his arms around me sometimes and hold my hand at the most random times.
Maybe because I’ve been so used to doing things on my own I haven’t really been open to actual romance. What I mean by that is that I mostly handled all of the household chores when I was married and living with my ex before. When we separated things didn’t change that much for me in that respect. I always cleaned. I always handled the bills. The only difference going from married to single was that I suddenly had the whole bed to myself (and I know I’m severely oversimplifying the whole marriage thing and of course my ex brought a lot more to the table, like emotional support, but even that I was able to replace with super awesome friends like Mr. Dreads).
Sidenote: I’m in no way saying that my ex wasn’t important to me or that he didn’t play a huge role in my life for a long time, I’m only saying that my day to day life didn’t change very much.
So in the spirit of trying to be a girl for once and embracing romance, I’ve started to keep a playlist of songs to send to A when I feel like it. This is what we do. We send each other songs.
In no particular order:
And he has sent me:
You can puke now.