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To my angel

Dear Molly,1479473_10152098124637744_1174844314_n

Where do I start with you? Your ability to change even non-dog loving people into (at the very least) Molly-lovers is amazing.

Your quiet demeanour and sweet nature make you instantly loveable. Anybody who doesn’t melt when they look at your smiling face clearly has no soul. I admire your enthusiasm for EVERYTHING (which is why your name tag says “Molly!“), your ability to accept change without fear, and your desire to make friends with every dog and person you meet.

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1544608_10152102793967744_1038777652_nYou make me laugh constantly. Your funny faces, ears that seem to have a mind of their own, and your little butt that wiggles when you’re happy melt my heart. And who knew one dog could find so many interesting ways to sleep on one chair?

You have always been so curious about the world – even as a puppy you were constantly picking up things from the ground and bringing them inside. I lost count of the number of times I had to pull a twig, or rock, or beer bottle cap from your mouth after a quick outing to the park. Even now your nose is always to the ground taking everything in.

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I also love that YOU love to get dirty – you are always the first one to jump in the snow, in the mud, or in the lake. I have countless images of you sleeping in the dirt in the summer to keep cool. You remind me that it’s not always necessary to be pristine to be cute.

580287_10151541709002744_1832211354_nI’m pretty sure that you are my own personal angel, sent here to remind me to chill the fuck out sometimes. You have been an absolute perfect, low maintenance, sweet dog, and  you have managed to double the love in my heart – and the love in my life.

Love,

Ashley

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To my beautiful girl

Dear Ruby,

1477345_10152098155572744_235941081_nYou are an amazing dog. I want nothing more than to see you happy for the rest of your life. I don’t know what your life was like before you came to me – I only know that it was neglectful and stressful, and I can’t even imagine how anyone could even think of not loving you as much as you give love.

 

602893_10151380850072744_679957698_nOur bond was immediate and I loved that you seemed to trust me right away – not even hesitating to jump in the truck for the first ride home and promptly falling asleep in the front seat. You were a bit beat up, thin and emaciated with droopy skin and a very noticeable scar on your leg but I still think you were beautiful. It’s been amazing to watch you go from a sickly looking dog to show dog material in only a matter of months – all you needed to thrive was a proper diet, and a little bit of love.

I’ve loved watching you come out of your shell and slowly show your true silly self – from a somewhat shy and reserved dog to the silly girl that has no problem throwing her own toys for a game of chase if nobody else feels like playing. I love that you would put my life before yours without hesitation – and I’m reminded of the first night when you stepped in front of me, barking, to warn off a strange man who wanted to ask for directions.

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1382177_10151907802637744_666175728_nI’m sad that you have issues with other dogs. I don’t know where it stems from, but I can only guess that it comes from living in a stressful environment for most of your life. My wish is that you could learn to trust other dogs and be able to play with them the same way you play with me – you could be such a good playmate for other dogs if you could overcome your fear and aggression and I would love to see you able to run with other dogs without stress.

970902_10151799042172744_2030213495_nI want you to know that you have absolutely nothing to worry about anymore. You will always have food, water, and a warm place to sleep. You will always have love and affection and toys to occupy you. Nobody will ever hurt you again, or neglect you, or cause you pain or worry. You are safe.

Love,

Ashley

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So apparently I was fat

It started with my stepmother exclaiming before Jamaica (part one) “You’ve lost weight! You look amazing!”

Then one of my tenants commented at the beginning of March “You’ve lost weight! I can tell, you look really good.”

Then dear Mr. Dreads made the same comment this weekend, exclaiming that I look so much thinner than when we dated. I believe the word “fat” even popped up at some point in the conversation.

While cleaning out my desk at the office I found a picture from the summer of Mr. Spice and I at the zoo. Holy cow I look “fat”.

After seeing that picture I’ve come to realize that I don’t want to be that girl again. Maybe that makes me vain but the thought of carrying more weight than I need to also makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

I also don’t want to be super thin. Been there, done that and I don’t intend to go back. Actually I probably couldn’t even if I tried without resorting to an eating disorder.

I’m really happy with where I’m at right now. I have enough weight to have actual curves, but not enough weight that I’m uncomfortable donning a bikini. Or being naked in front of someone. I’d even consider wearing a crop top if I didn’t think I was just too old for that now.

In other news – 8 days until I get to see A again! So excited to be back there!

 

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Finally, the end of Winter 2014?

Maybe I’m being presumptuous in wanting to bust out my sandals, but I feel like Winter is finally waning. I won’t be sad to see it go, as it really was a bunch of bullshit this year. The ice storm was cool until I lost power and I love that we got so much snow (only because 1. I have 4WD that makes driving in snow actually fun, and 2. I live in an apartment so I don’t have to shovel any driveway), but I hate when the snow melts and all the garbage and dog poop starts to show, and the freezing cold weather made a quick trip outside miserable. I think it was the bitter cold that pissed me off the most about this winter, I would have punched winter if I could have, right in it’s ugly bitch face.

(On a side note though, why do people insist on not cleaning up their dog’s poop? It’s gross. Yes, it’s not exactly pleasant picking it up either, but seriously people, pick up after your dog or don’t have one. Assholes.)

However, despite Winter being a bitch most of the time, I did manage to have a lot of fun with the dogs, as seen below:

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10007486_10152250970017744_1907495005_n 1977413_10152252793947744_282300710_n 1966699_10152250973952744_82644861_n 1920028_10152250973957744_331266468_n 1779787_10152252762032744_1817094519_n 1477629_10152252762362744_112673393_n 1239359_10152250973942744_474885718_n 1656290_10152250973947744_1436858692_n 1959737_10152250973877744_2111348321_n 1794731_10152250974522744_1519081211_nMy dog is a dick for ruining my snow heart for no reason. I still love her though.

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Bitches be hatin’ (maybe)

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I am tempted to wear a shirt that reads “THE BITCH IS BACK” on my first day back at the old office.

Of course I won’t actually, but it is tempting, if only because I would find it funny. I do, however, already anticipate that there may be some cattiness from the women who were hired after me in the same department.

Yes, I’ll be coming in as “the new girl” so to speak, but one that already has a good rapport with members of management.

That should be expected, of course, as there is 5 prior years of history there, and I was well liked. I travelled often with the President (my soon to be new boss) and the VP of Sales and learned a lot about them / spent a lot of time with them as a result.

So while yes, I’m the new girl, I am still coming in with a leg up, and since women can be so catty sometimes I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some animosity there.

I’m hoping we can get along like one big happy family, and although I don’t exactly come off as “friendly” (according to Mr. Dreads) I am actually a really nice person who wants to see everyone included.

That doesn’t preclude me from stepping on a few toes if I need to though – after all, I’m there to do my job well and further my career, not to make friends (that would just be a bonus!)

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Spicey McSpice is driving me crazy

Mr. Spice has been calling often lately, sometimes multiple times a day. Sometimes it is to discuss something work related, but more often than not it’s to “see how I’m doing” or to ask my advice about something (like getting his printer working).

I’m fine offering my advice, but it’s getting to be a bit much. He has a girlfriend, who apparently tattooed his name on her body, and I don’t get why he doesn’t just ask her to help him with things.

I find too that if I stay on the phone too long with him he’ll start mentioning things like:

– How his new girlfriend is going to buy him a truck

– How he thinks he’ll settle down with her, even though he’s still running around after other women (but he’ll change after he gets married, really)

– Asking why it didn’t work out between us even though I’ve told him numerous times (you can’t dictate who my friends are, among other things)

– How much our boss sucks and is cheap and prays too much

Sometimes I think he’s telling me things to make me jealous, or to regret leaving him, but honestly I don’t even listen anymore once he starts to talk about anything related to that. It’s annoying and I want it to stop, especially with A coming back (I don’t think he would appreciate Mr. Spice calling all the time and I respect that). I need to put some distance and I have stopped answering his calls all the time (especially when he calls during work, I hate that), but it’s also backfired on me when it’s something work related.

I did get a small victory though, as he’s stopped asking me for sex every time I see him. The thought now makes me uncomfortable, and I really didn’t appreciate how that disrespected A, and I suppose myself as well (but mostly A).

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And to be honest I don’t think I really like him as a person anymore. Now having the opportunity to see the other side of him (as a “friend” of sorts, I guess), I’m not happy with what I see. He uses people constantly – it’s never about what he can do for someone, but what they can do for him (see above re: his girlfriend buying him a truck). He constantly complains about the state of his life and it’s always somebody else’s fault (as though he had no decision-making power in the 15 years he’s been in this country, he obviously could have done nothing to make his life better). I’m pretty sure he’s unable to be faithful (why brag about your girlfriend and then admit to seeing other women?), and I know now that when we were together he was out womanizing (now I understand why he was always accusing me of sleeping with other people – because he was and assumed I was too!)

I would love to be able to dump him again as a friend, but the truth is I need to keep him close for this job thing – it’s better the devil you know, as they say, and there are times when I need him to do me favours regarding managing the building. I can’t ask for favours if I cut him out. I guess until I quit this 2nd job I’ll have to live with having him in my life. I just wish I could manage to keep it to a strictly work-related relationship and still keep things civil!