So apparently I was fat

It started with my stepmother exclaiming before Jamaica (part one) “You’ve lost weight! You look amazing!”

Then one of my tenants commented at the beginning of March “You’ve lost weight! I can tell, you look really good.”

Then dear Mr. Dreads made the same comment this weekend, exclaiming that I look so much thinner than when we dated. I believe the word “fat” even popped up at some point in the conversation.

While cleaning out my desk at the office I found a picture from the summer of Mr. Spice and I at the zoo. Holy cow I look “fat”.

After seeing that picture I’ve come to realize that I don’t want to be that girl again. Maybe that makes me vain but the thought of carrying more weight than I need to also makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

I also don’t want to be super thin. Been there, done that and I don’t intend to go back. Actually I probably couldn’t even if I tried without resorting to an eating disorder.

I’m really happy with where I’m at right now. I have enough weight to have actual curves, but not enough weight that I’m uncomfortable donning a bikini. Or being naked in front of someone. I’d even consider wearing a crop top if I didn’t think I was just too old for that now.

In other news – 8 days until I get to see A again! So excited to be back there!



2014 is really shaping up…

Oh how I cannot wait to catch up on everyone’s lives since I’ve been offline. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks – first there was Jamaica, which was amazing. In fact, I’m going back in a few weeks. Then there were major changes with work, mainly that I resigned on Monday and accepted a job offer with my previous employer.

Actually, I accepted the job offer first and then resigned, because I’m not brave enough to just resign without something else to go to.

Just before I left for Jamaica in February my employer re-structured my Department to better efficiently use all of our respective skills. At first I was happy with the change, but while in Jamaica, and having a lot of time to think, I realized that this new job structure was probably not going to work out for me. Not because I’m not capable of doing it, and doing it well, but actually because I could see myself getting bored with it really fast.

I’m the type of person that thrives when I feel like I’m accomplishing something, or working towards a goal. This new job was not going to allow me that – it is more task based, as opposed to project based. So when I got back from Jamaica I decided to start looking to see what jobs were out there, and in the meantime I updated my resumé and portfolio.

While updating my portfolio with accomplishments from my current job and my prior job, I realized very quickly that the accomplishments I was most proud of (and where I made the most impact) was with the previous job. I also came to realize that although the pay was shit (I started right out of college and was promoted numerous times but it was always a bit here, and a bit there….) I got a ton of great experience.

So I called my old boss and asked whether he wanted to meet for coffee. I also wanted to see the new building he had purchased and is in the process of renovating. Once he took me on the grand tour and we sat down for coffee and caught up, he started talking about how he was restructuring and looking for Senior Product Managers to come on board – long story short, he sent me the job offer the next day, we went back and forth in negotiations over the week, and I accepted the offer on Friday evening.

This will be a big promotion for me, and one that I’m very excited for. In fact, I’ve already started re-subscribing to all the trade magazines I used to read, and have started doing research on different aspects of the industry so I can be somewhat back up to speed. The salary bump was significant (best decision I ever made was to leave and then go back for almost double the salary!) and I will get my own office once the new building is renovated. It will mean responsibility, and a lot of work, but it’s something that I’m really looking forward to jumping into again.

My old/new boss have been emailing back and forth quite a bit since I accepted – my first job will be to launch a social media campaign for one of the brands I’ll be managing. Exciting! I’ve always wanted to get experience in the social media setting and this is the perfect opportunity to top up my resumé with digital experience.

The new job does mean a long commute though, literally across the city of Toronto. It also means that I’ll likely be moving closer to work, and further away from A (when he does come back to Canada). That whole thing though – do we live together, where is he going to work, etc – is all up in the air. As much as I’d love to predict what will happen, there are too many unknown variables. Things are going well between us though!

I feel like I’m trying to pack a lot of things into one post, so I will stop here….and pick up another day!


“Are you in love?”

This is what my mother asked me over the weekend.

I said “No, of course not, it’s too soon.”

But then yesterday I found myself looking at rings online. What the fuck? Way too soon for that.

A is meeting my mother’s side of the family on Monday for Thanksgiving. It should be interesting. I hope she likes him, but I’m pretty sure she will. I think my dad will also like him but we’re going to leave that meeting for when A is back in Canada next year.

Did I mention I’m planning on going to Jamaica in February to visit A? It’s also an opportunity to see his family and make sure everything is on the up-and-up. You never know….I’ve learned that lesson a few times over now.

I am cautiously optimistic about this one – I can see myself settling down with him but at the same time I’m watching for things out of the ordinary. I don’t want to get hurt again.

These are the things that go through my head that I would normally never admit to anyone – but what’s the point of having a blog if not to admit even the most ridiculous thoughts?

Oh, I should also mention that I’ve started the paperwork for the divorce order, and expect to be officially single as of the end of the year. Happy New Year I guess!