Spicey McSpice is driving me crazy

Mr. Spice has been calling often lately, sometimes multiple times a day. Sometimes it is to discuss something work related, but more often than not it’s to “see how I’m doing” or to ask my advice about something (like getting his printer working).

I’m fine offering my advice, but it’s getting to be a bit much. He has a girlfriend, who apparently tattooed his name on her body, and I don’t get why he doesn’t just ask her to help him with things.

I find too that if I stay on the phone too long with him he’ll start mentioning things like:

– How his new girlfriend is going to buy him a truck

– How he thinks he’ll settle down with her, even though he’s still running around after other women (but he’ll change after he gets married, really)

– Asking why it didn’t work out between us even though I’ve told him numerous times (you can’t dictate who my friends are, among other things)

– How much our boss sucks and is cheap and prays too much

Sometimes I think he’s telling me things to make me jealous, or to regret leaving him, but honestly I don’t even listen anymore once he starts to talk about anything related to that. It’s annoying and I want it to stop, especially with A coming back (I don’t think he would appreciate Mr. Spice calling all the time and I respect that). I need to put some distance and I have stopped answering his calls all the time (especially when he calls during work, I hate that), but it’s also backfired on me when it’s something work related.

I did get a small victory though, as he’s stopped asking me for sex every time I see him. The thought now makes me uncomfortable, and I really didn’t appreciate how that disrespected A, and I suppose myself as well (but mostly A).


And to be honest I don’t think I really like him as a person anymore. Now having the opportunity to see the other side of him (as a “friend” of sorts, I guess), I’m not happy with what I see. He uses people constantly – it’s never about what he can do for someone, but what they can do for him (see above re: his girlfriend buying him a truck). He constantly complains about the state of his life and it’s always somebody else’s fault (as though he had no decision-making power in the 15 years he’s been in this country, he obviously could have done nothing to make his life better). I’m pretty sure he’s unable to be faithful (why brag about your girlfriend and then admit to seeing other women?), and I know now that when we were together he was out womanizing (now I understand why he was always accusing me of sleeping with other people – because he was and assumed I was too!)

I would love to be able to dump him again as a friend, but the truth is I need to keep him close for this job thing – it’s better the devil you know, as they say, and there are times when I need him to do me favours regarding managing the building. I can’t ask for favours if I cut him out. I guess until I quit this 2nd job I’ll have to live with having him in my life. I just wish I could manage to keep it to a strictly work-related relationship and still keep things civil!


“That White Guy with the Dogs”


Time to introduce another man who has recently re-entered my life.


Mr. Mechanic is a man I met earlier in the year. We started talking because we have something pretty major in common: we both own two dogs. And not only that, but we also have the same breed/half-breed. I was so excited when I found this out because it’s really not that usual, and there is a certain understanding between dog owners that non-dog owners cannot understand.


Aside: for example, non dog owners could never understand the logistics of trying to barricade a garbage bin from a dog determined to get into the garbage. I told Mr. Mechanic of my efforts to leave the garbage bin on top of the kitchen counter before leaving for work, AND THEN barricading the kitchen counter with chairs and any other miscellaneous items I could find to keep Ruby away. His reply? “OH I’ve had my garbage barricaded since my oldest was a puppy (about 5 years).”


We also have a great deal more in common! For example, we both like to go off-roading and generally get muddy with our vehicles whenever possible. He likes trucks, I like trucks. He likes campfires, I like campfires. He likes beer, I like beer. While this all seems very trivial what it really comes down to is a cultural understanding that is lacking with the other men. Mr. Mechanic is white, born and raised in Canada. I am white, born and raised in Canada. While I love the cultural learning curve with the other men in my life, there is something to be said to know someone who just “gets it,” no explanations necessary. It’s refreshing.


We have only met once, when I made two horrible decisions: The first was to meet for the first time at the dog park in the middle of winter. It was freezing. The second was to answer Mr. Spice’s call while at the park with Mr. Mechanic and inadvertently invite him. That was awkward. Mr. Spice still asks about “that white guy with the dogs.”


Otherwise we have kept in touch via text fairly regularly, and this past weekend discussed getting together to do “white people” things, like BBQ’ing and swimming. I am excited to see where this goes!


image: rottenecards



Change in the House of Blues

The below was written in 2006 after returning from a business trip to Chicago. This was a pivotal time in my relationship with my ex-husband – it was the first time I found out about his extracurricular activities. Shortly after I returned to Toronto we broke up for 6 months.

I didn’t notice him at first, not until he started talking. It was hard to hear him over the noise of the Stones cover band. He introduced himself and I did the same, all the while keeping my distance. It was not the first time that night I had been approached, but there was something different about this man. Despite the fact it was in industry-only party, he was the only one in a sea of hundreds who was wearing a suit. He explained that he had come straight from work, that he was a lawyer specializing in intellectual property. He pointed to the left, told me his client was in the private box next to ours, and had asked him to join the party earlier that afternoon. After a few minutes of attempted conversation in the noise he left me, and I continued to get lost in the anxiety I felt and the turmoil that my life had become. Being away from home had only made things worse, and the only thing I wanted at that moment was to be on the first plane home to Toronto, somehow thinking that if I was there I could somehow fix everything and be happy again.

But then my Chicago stranger came back and in a few short minutes everything changed. Nothing prophetic was said, no light shone down from above, the earth did not quake beneath me (from anything other than the people dancing around us), but I left the House of Blues that night feeling like somehow the turmoil would fix itself and all I had to do was exist as best I could.

We kept in contact once I was back home and when the chaos in my life had settled and things had finally been confronted and put to bed, I was able to tell him thank you for approaching me that night. While never his intention, he managed to change something, somehow, and I’m better because of it.

I received a christmas card this year from him. It came late but stood apart from the rest for a different reason. The impact that was made on me that night when I felt everything was going to be alright has stayed with me long past my departure from Chicago. I will keep his card as a reminder of things I’m not even sure I am able to accurately and justifiably express in words.

– image: imradio.com


Cast of Characters

Below is a quick “cast of characters” of the main men in my life, the raisin d'être for this blog:

Mr. Dreads: My current man. A beautiful man originally from Zimbabwe. We met through Plenty of Fish January 2013 and hit it off. After only a few weeks we were commenting on how we felt like we had known each other for much longer.

Mr. Spice: The first man I slept with/dated after my husband. Originally from Grenada, has a child with a Canadian woman. We sometimes work together and we have tried to maintain a friendship but the relationship is often volatile and dysfunctional. We can't seem to stay away from each other.

Mr. Rasta: Originally from Antigua. Rastafarian. Very sweet man, just friends. He asked for my number, I gave it to him, we have talked since.

getty images

image: getty images



I Must Be Ovulating.

The date went well. The company was very comfortable. I am glad that I went out even though I was soooooo tired.

I think Mr. Rasta will become a good friend. And if I was truly single, somebody who I would roll around in bed with every once in awhile (which would have been really nice tonight – there were many times I just wanted to bring him home with me!)

Aside: I wonder if the body knows a good partner from a bad one? I mean, was my body wanting him because it knows that now is the time for baby-making, or was it wanting him because now is the time for baby-making AND he would make a good father?

But Mr. Rasta will remain a friend only. There are just too many unknowns with him.

I bet he’s good in bed though.

Lovers in Bed

Oh, and by the way, we went to see The Internship and it was very, very funny.