One day this will get me in trouble, I just know it

So apparently my new thing is texting the wrong person. Usually the texts are meant to go to A, but because I’m usually multi-tasking or just not paying attention I end up sending A’s texts to other people….like Mr. Dreads, my father, my old coworker….

Luckily for me none of these texts have been too personal…..yet…..but I did have a moment this morning when I realized I accidentally told Mr. Dreads that I was ovulating.

Note: A had mentioned that he was having dreams I was pregnant and this was my response to him, as well as my usual “Good Morning”



Thank god Dreads and I are close friends or that could have been awkward.

Below are some of my favourite wrong number texts….funny because they didn’t happen to me!











Enjoy, and Happy Thursday!



I would like to see you shit yourself

I am comfortable discussing most things, but poop is not one of them. I was thus horrified when I found out that sometimes (I refuse to say often) women poop during labour. Somehow A and I got to discussing pregnancy and labour and I admitted that my two fears about labour and delivery has nothing to do with the pain, but everything to do with the possibility that I may puke or poop – the two “P’s” that I refuse to mention again.

His response?



Sorry, but I’m not sorry

Have you ever had to apologize for something that you didn’t think you should have to apologize for?

I had to do this today, and all I wanted to do was send the below image to the crazy woman instead – because I’m not sorry!


Sometimes I wish I could speak my mind like a child but without the adult consequences.


Well so far this sucks

After being literally exhausted yesterday I passed out early and actually slept a straight 8 hours through the night. I felt amazing when I woke up, but A called me before work and seems to be really missing us (I think by “us” he means me and the dogs because he really bonded with Molly – see below!) and that made me sad.

Made with Repix (http://repix.it)

I’m planning on sending him a care package tomorrow filled with homemade cookies and my own pantygram (new panties, not worn!) and this morning I sent this image to him to cheer him up:


To which he replied:


At least our sense of humour is still intact!


Internet, you are awesome

I wish I could see inside people's head sometimes, just so that I could understand what they were really looking for when they stumbled across this blog using these search terms:

“girl gum sex”
Sounds kinky. And sticky.

“kids intoxicated”
This is just wrong and I hope it's not some type of weird pedophile porn fetish.

“I'm a black man and I love white women”
I love you too, anonymous black man.

“intoxicated dating website”
Because, you know, sober dating is so boring. This could possibly be an interesting reality show concept though.

“was the do dogs even have brains girl serious”
I've been wondering the same thing!

Which leads me to some of the strangest Google auto-completes that I've seen – people really are very, very strange:

Screen Shot 2013-11-22 at 10.20.46 AM


Screen Shot 2013-11-22 at 10.28.42 AM

Interesting defense.

Screen Shot 2013-11-22 at 10.29.38 AM

I bet gifted children taste extra special too due to the larger brains.

Screen Shot 2013-11-22 at 10.31.33 AM

Rats need to be loved too, I guess.

Screen Shot 2013-11-22 at 10.33.15 AM

Seriously what is wrong with people?

Screen Shot 2013-11-22 at 10.35.41 AM

Most of the black people I know would agree with this statement.

Screen Shot 2013-11-22 at 10.44.41 AM

This reminds me of a story I heard from Barrie, ON, where a woman was divorced from a man who turns out had been sleeping with his mother, and who fathered at least two kids with her. How do you explain that to the kids – your father is also your brother? Your mother is also your grandmother? That's messed up.

And the reason that person's hooha smells like fish is due to bacterial vaginosis – just saying, ladies get that shit cleared up, ok?

Screen Shot 2013-11-22 at 10.45.02 AM

Yes, no, no, oh my god no

Screen Shot 2013-11-22 at 10.45.21 AM

Does this actually sound like a fun experiment to anyone else?

Screen Shot 2013-11-22 at 10.45.45 AM

Me too.



Completely stupid and unnecessary

But still fun!

I found a website called MorphThing and had some fun playing around with what a potential baby would look like between myself and A:


Not too bad!

I also tried it with Mr. Dreads:


Meh, I’ve seen better looking kids.

(I hope he reads this!)

Is it weird that I already have a name picked out for a little girl? Not telling though, family and friends keep taking all the baby names I had picked out: Emma, Stella, Sophia….


The countdown has begun!

The countdown has begun and it’s not something I’m looking forward to – in fact, I hope this week drags on so that A stays in Canada for as long as possible. Today was his last Monday in Canada – next Monday at 9am he flies home. My plan is to spend as much time with him as possible this week, obviously.

There was one weekend where A had me convinced that he was flying to Vancouver for a day the next morning and needed a ride at 5am to go home so he wouldn’t miss his plane. I didn’t believe him because he likes to play practical jokes a lot, so I shrugged it off until 5am when his alarm went off and he got up and started getting dressed. I started to do the same, only to turn around and find him back in bed, laughing, because of course he wasn’t flying to Vancouver but he had to keep the story going until the last possible second.

I keep hoping that this whole going home to Jamaica thing is all just a practical joke like that, and we’ll get to the airport and A will be like “surprise, I’m staying!”

Though I was the one who actually purchased his plane ticket so I know that’s a long shot. A girl can hope though!