I should have just stayed in bed

If things happen in threes I think I’m done fighting for awhile.

Life has been insane in the last week. Work was overwhelming and exhausting until two days ago, and then I ended up having major issues with my cell phone provider and my ISP.

I spent Tuesday fighting with my cell phone provider because I was eligible for an upgrade to a new phone, except when I went into the retail store to get the upgrade they told me that I needed to shell out $400 PLUS the cost of the phone to upgrade. I explained that I bought my phone at full price from Apple in November 2010, I’m not on any contract with my provider, so how could I possibly owe them money for my phone? Somehow my 3-year-old phone was registered as an upgrade 4 times this year in their system. Clearly that was an error, but when it was fixed in their system it still showed that I owed $305.

Turns out sometime before my ex and I split and had a shared cell phone plan, he upgraded his phone on my line. Once we separated the account was split, but I ended up with the balance of his phone. I explained numerous times that I shouldn’t be held liable for a phone that I’ve never had, but I was just told “sorry, can’t help you.” So since I had to pay them $305 anyway, I cancelled my plan and switched providers. I then emailed my ex to see whether he could help with the bill for his phone – I haven’t heard back from him yet.

After fighting all day over the above I got home late to find my internet cut off. Of course I couldn’t reach anyone at the ISP because they were closed for the day but I knew what the issue was and I have been dealing with it for a number of months. I cancelled my cable TV with my ISP late last year. To return the cable box to them they send a prepaid UPS box that you pack your equipment in and return it. Sounds easy enough, right?

I’ve been waiting for this box to show up since last year. A few months ago they charged me with a $500 “non-return of equipment” charge on my bill. When I spoke to 3 different people on 3 different occasions about subsequent UPS boxes being sent out and not received (I’m on my 4thbox now, hoping this one actually makes it to me) they all told me to ignore the charge. A few weeks ago I had a call from the ISP’s billing department about non-payment. I explained the situation – no problems. Apparently none of the conversations I’ve had with their CSRs made it into my account because my bill went to the Collections Department who then suspended my account. I called in yesterday to speak to someone, and every one of them was very unhelpful (I think collections people must really hate themselves). Finally somebody transferred me to someone helpful who patiently listened while I ranted about how much their company sucks and why – then he got his supervisor to call the Collections Department to have my service reinstated. I apologized to him for the rant and intend to send an email to the ISP about how helpful he was.

See, I’m only a bitch sometimes.

When I got home my internet was back on and I was happy again….until Mr. Spice called and left me a voicemail while I was walking the dogs. This voicemail set off the third and (I hope) final argument for the next little while.

A former tenant of Mr. Spice’s had left a 55” TV behind when he moved. It seemed to work fine, except the colourwas off and it would sometimes turn itself off. Mr. Spice asked me to find someone to have a look at it and quote to have it repaired. I found a company that I thought was very good, and they came in and quoted $400 for the full repair. Mr. Spice agreed to it, and they took the TV.

The technician called me yesterday to say that he was having trouble finding a replacement LCD screen and gave me a few options. I spoke to Mr. Spice and he agreed to let the guy continue to look for the replacement LCD screen. I get this voicemail about an hour later where Mr. Spice is saying that he doesn’t know what kind of clown I found to fix this TV and next time he should just do it himself.

Since my threshold was already high having spent, by this time, 2 days fighting with big telecom companies, I called him back and told him to forget asking for my help next time because every time I do something for this man there is always something wrong with what I’ve done. This led to both of us yelling at each other and we didn’t speak for the rest of the night.

It was blessedly silent night.



We put the “D” in “Dysfunctional”

Oh Mr. Spice….

So on my way home last night from my date I give Mr. Spice a call to say hi, and also because…..well, I miss him.

Let's back up – Mr. Spice and I met when I lived in the apartment building with my husband. He was the handyman for the building, I was a tenant who needed a lot of repairs done. Now before you go thinking that this was like some porn where the handyman and the housewife fuck on the sofa while the husband is at work, WRONG. But it wasn't long after the separation (2 weeks) that we started sleeping together. I know 2 weeks doesn't sound like a long time, really, but when your heart is broken every day feels like a month. Plus, it was a rebound thing. What better way to get over my husband than by fucking the handyman?

Except it didn't exactly go as smoothly as I had planned. Now I'm not the type of woman who believes that once you sleep with someone you begin to have feelings for them. Nope, not at all. In fact, I believe that men and women are capable of having sex with no strings attached, no feelings involved, just a really good time.

And maybe this completely contradicts the above statement, but in this case, feelings did get involved, on both our ends. I would argue, however, that Mr. Spice and I didn't just fuck. We spent too much time together doing “couply” things, like taking a mini vacation up north, going on small road trips, that sort of thing.

At the end of the day, our fucking turned into a sort-of-relationship. A very dysfunctional one. And so, it was time to cool it off.

Things turned sour when I started to see other people casually. Not even in a dating way, just a friendly way. But the thing about Mr. Spice that I learned is that he is very insecure. For such an attractive man with so many skills in bed and one of the most beautiful dicks I've ever seen he is amazingly insecure. He was constantly accusing me of sleeping with other men in the same building when we were “together”, which was ridiculous because none of them were even close to my type (a much older guy with 2 young kids who smokes and dresses like a slob? No thanks). My going out and meeting other people turned into a huge deal. We fought the entire month of January, and I don't understand why I put up with it, or why he put up with it. Our relationship is odd, and still dysfunctional, in that we will fight and yell at each other, not speak for days, and then when we do speak again (always) we are perfectly fine. Until the next fight.

A few days ago we had a fight. I don't even remember over what – I think it was over the fact that I'm seeing Mr. Dreads and Mr. Spice seems to think that since he tapped it first he owns it, therefore Mr. Dreads is impeding on his territory. (Just replace Mr. Spice's face with Ray J's below and this is basically the mentality). In fact, he actually said to me last night that he will always be the first black man I ever slept with, and he wishes that he was the only one, but clearly I'm keen on sampling all the “brothers.” Oh really?

Now we are fighting again and I kinda wish I hadn't called him last night. I also have no idea why I even both with this relationship, but I know I'm going to call him in a few days, or he will call me, and we will pick the dysfunction right back up where we left it.

I must be insane.