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Bitches be hatin’ (maybe)

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I am tempted to wear a shirt that reads “THE BITCH IS BACK” on my first day back at the old office.

Of course I won’t actually, but it is tempting, if only because I would find it funny. I do, however, already anticipate that there may be some cattiness from the women who were hired after me in the same department.

Yes, I’ll be coming in as “the new girl” so to speak, but one that already has a good rapport with members of management.

That should be expected, of course, as there is 5 prior years of history there, and I was well liked. I travelled often with the President (my soon to be new boss) and the VP of Sales and learned a lot about them / spent a lot of time with them as a result.

So while yes, I’m the new girl, I am still coming in with a leg up, and since women can be so catty sometimes I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some animosity there.

I’m hoping we can get along like one big happy family, and although I don’t exactly come off as “friendly” (according to Mr. Dreads) I am actually a really nice person who wants to see everyone included.

That doesn’t preclude me from stepping on a few toes if I need to though – after all, I’m there to do my job well and further my career, not to make friends (that would just be a bonus!)

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It’s about balance

How do you balance working towards a common goal with someone that you want to be with long-term, but also ensuring that YOU will be ok if things fall apart?

I’ve never been very good at that. I guess I just throw myself into things and let other things slide, things that would make the transition to “unattached” easier.

I have to try really hard to remember that I must do what is right for me (and the dogs).

This is not to say that I have any doubts about where A and I stand, or are going. We are great, and work really well together. We have similar goals and want the same things in life. We respect each other and there have been no red flags of any kind. Also, we make a damn good-looking couple together.

BUT I am somewhat torn in the living situation. Due to my new job (on the other side of the city), it makes more sense for me to be closer to work – which means, literally, across the city from A (when he comes back to Canada).

Of course, across the city is really nothing compared to halfway across the world…

I’ve promised myself that I would at least wait to make a decision on the living situation until he is back and somewhat settled – it’s unlikely though that he will find a job in the same area of the city (that would just be way too convenient, life cannot be that easy).

It’s hard though when I see condos in my price range and in my desired location that I want to jump on, but I keep reminding myself of what my father always says to pull me back from impulse decisions: “there will always be another one.”

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2014 is really shaping up…

Oh how I cannot wait to catch up on everyone’s lives since I’ve been offline. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks – first there was Jamaica, which was amazing. In fact, I’m going back in a few weeks. Then there were major changes with work, mainly that I resigned on Monday and accepted a job offer with my previous employer.

Actually, I accepted the job offer first and then resigned, because I’m not brave enough to just resign without something else to go to.

Just before I left for Jamaica in February my employer re-structured my Department to better efficiently use all of our respective skills. At first I was happy with the change, but while in Jamaica, and having a lot of time to think, I realized that this new job structure was probably not going to work out for me. Not because I’m not capable of doing it, and doing it well, but actually because I could see myself getting bored with it really fast.

I’m the type of person that thrives when I feel like I’m accomplishing something, or working towards a goal. This new job was not going to allow me that – it is more task based, as opposed to project based. So when I got back from Jamaica I decided to start looking to see what jobs were out there, and in the meantime I updated my resumé and portfolio.

While updating my portfolio with accomplishments from my current job and my prior job, I realized very quickly that the accomplishments I was most proud of (and where I made the most impact) was with the previous job. I also came to realize that although the pay was shit (I started right out of college and was promoted numerous times but it was always a bit here, and a bit there….) I got a ton of great experience.

So I called my old boss and asked whether he wanted to meet for coffee. I also wanted to see the new building he had purchased and is in the process of renovating. Once he took me on the grand tour and we sat down for coffee and caught up, he started talking about how he was restructuring and looking for Senior Product Managers to come on board – long story short, he sent me the job offer the next day, we went back and forth in negotiations over the week, and I accepted the offer on Friday evening.

This will be a big promotion for me, and one that I’m very excited for. In fact, I’ve already started re-subscribing to all the trade magazines I used to read, and have started doing research on different aspects of the industry so I can be somewhat back up to speed. The salary bump was significant (best decision I ever made was to leave and then go back for almost double the salary!) and I will get my own office once the new building is renovated. It will mean responsibility, and a lot of work, but it’s something that I’m really looking forward to jumping into again.

My old/new boss have been emailing back and forth quite a bit since I accepted – my first job will be to launch a social media campaign for one of the brands I’ll be managing. Exciting! I’ve always wanted to get experience in the social media setting and this is the perfect opportunity to top up my resumé with digital experience.

The new job does mean a long commute though, literally across the city of Toronto. It also means that I’ll likely be moving closer to work, and further away from A (when he does come back to Canada). That whole thing though – do we live together, where is he going to work, etc – is all up in the air. As much as I’d love to predict what will happen, there are too many unknown variables. Things are going well between us though!

I feel like I’m trying to pack a lot of things into one post, so I will stop here….and pick up another day!

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New year!

Obviously I’m a little behind. With the holidays and getting ready for Jamaica things have been kinda crazy in my life.

While I’m not one to make resolutions, I have been thinking about some things I want to accomplish this year:

The first is I need to get my financial life in order. After the separation there were unexpected bills that put me in debt – that I am still paying off, even as of last week! I want to pay off the little bit of debt I have and start saving. By the end of the year I want to be in a place where I can breathe comfortably and sleep well at night. This is my biggest goal.

I want to finalize the divorce. I want that part of my life over and done with.

I want to continue to nurture and grow the new relationships I have made since the separation  – I think this is important given the above. If I am to really start over and have that part of my life closed, I unfortunately need to let go of some people, especially those with close ties to my ex.

I want to start preparing my body for a child. I need to get off one of the medications I’m on, and start taking folic acid every day. This seems so easy, but I haven’t been able to do it consistently yet!

As far as where A and I will end up, that’s not something I can speculate on. I am hopeful. I’ve also learned though that people and life can throw you curveballs! I’m planning for the future but keeping my eyes open.

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One, Two, Three

Oh how it’s been a minute.

Work has been insane. Once I get home my brain is exhausted and all I can focus on doing is having the obligatory “puppy time” and then relaxing on the couch until bed (which has been early most nights too!)

Today though I am under control and have been super productive. I actually don’t know what has gotten into me, but no matter.

I have something to say about 2 lipsticks, and even though this is not a beauty blog I don’t care because I need to get this off my chest. That will come. Also an update on A and life in general.

Now see how hectic things have been? I almost forgot to mention that the flight is booked to Jamaica, I officially leave on the 29th of January. This is probably the most interesting thing that has happened to me in a long time and I almost forgot about it!

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I am not dead.

A leaves in less than two weeks. I have been counting down while trying not to count down and spending as much time with him as possible while I can. I admit that I have been off these past few days – whether it’s the changing weather or the knowledge of his imminent departure I’m not sure. I have a lot of concerns about him leaving, about us when he leaves, and I hate that none of it is within my control. I hate not having control.
A few weeks ago my ex-husband emailed to tell me that he’s leaving for Calgary this coming Sunday and he wanted to know where the paperwork was for the divorce order. Suddenly there was a rush to get the paperwork filed with the court so he could be served before skipping town. I took my ass down there first thing yesterday morning hoping to get it done before work. The line was insanely long even though it was 5 minutes to opening. As I was standing in line I started to feel an overwhelming rage at my ex-husband – as usual, I felt I was the one taking care of everything, making sure things got done. Why wasn’t he the one standing in line missing work when he was the one who had cheated? Not only once, mind you, or with one person, but with numerous people since nearly the beginning of the 12-year relationship. Remembering this made me fume, and I think if he had walked in the door at the moment I was standing in that line I very well may have killed him.
It seems like such a trivial thing, yes, so what if I had to stand in line and miss work? I wasn’t expecting to even have any reaction – though I suppose my lack of emotion over the breakup was coming back to bite me in the ass. Once the dust had settled after he moved out I moved on fairly quickly. I know he didn’t understand that and as a result it caused him great anger when he found out that I was sleeping with Mr. Spice so soon after the separation.
Aside: Nobody told him. He used his key to get into the apartment when dropping the dogs off after one of his weekends (yes, he had weekends with the dogs, just like kids), and I wasn’t home yet. Instead of dropping the dogs off and leaving he started snooping and ended up in the bedroom, on my iPad, and saw a picture of Mr. Spice in full undress. 
 
Clearly I haven’t fully processed the whole separation thing for me to get that irrationally angry over being a few minutes late to work and I’m sure I’ll have more moments as the process unfolds. At least now I know to expect it still.
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Canada, eh?

I have decided to make the most of A being here for the next few weeks. As such, I have started a list of “Canadian” things to expose him to so he can get as much of the Canadian experience as possible.

It’s too bad I didn’t meet him months ago – not only would it give me more time to accomplish the list, but there are so many things Canadians do during the summer months that I (obviously) can’t include.

The “To Do” list is as follows:

  1. Eat poutine
  2. Ice skate outside
  3. Go to an NHL game
  4. Visit Niagara Falls
  5. Celebrate Halloween
  6. Toboggan

Unless I’m really lucky (or unlucky, depending on the perspective) #2 and #7 will not happen as we haven’t been getting a good snowfall or cold snap until December or January. At the very least I may try and get him to an indoor rink though it’s not the same experience at all. #3 may also not happen because tickets can be hard to come by with only a few weeks notice unless you can spend over $200 per ticket (I will not, crazy Leafs’ fans).

#4 and #5 will be knocked off in one go, probably this weekend, when we visit Niagara Falls AND the Nightmares Factory – which is honestly the scariest experience I remember having. I didn’t let go of my sister the entire time we walked through the haunted house and at some points I just gave up and closed my eyes.

I am happy to say that the “Completed” list has two entries already!

  1. Eat maple donuts from Tim Horton’s (maple AND Tim Horton’s – it doesn’t get much more Canadian than that)
  2. Visit the CN Tower

A and I went to the CN Tower Saturday evening after our double date plans were cancelled. I haven’t been there in years and I’m glad I got to spend the time with him and experience it again. We went just after sunset and it was beautiful. Toronto really does feel like home.

He then came back home with me, for the 2nd night in a row. I love having him sleep beside me and am taking full advantage of it while I can.

A looking out at the city