Men, I feel bad for you (and your penises)

I guess you really can’t win when it comes to penis size:

Dr Christopher Morriss-Roberts claims that size does matter and that the bigger a man’s penis is the better, so far as athletes are concerned.

However, he caveats this claim with the explanation that men who are very well-endowed are sometimes the subject of suspicion as to how effectively they can use their generous organ.

From: Sorry boys, size DOES matter in the locker room: Well-endowed athletes are idolised and seen as more masculine

Also, my new favourite term is “cock-supremacy” – awesome.




Spicey McSpice is driving me crazy

Mr. Spice has been calling often lately, sometimes multiple times a day. Sometimes it is to discuss something work related, but more often than not it’s to “see how I’m doing” or to ask my advice about something (like getting his printer working).

I’m fine offering my advice, but it’s getting to be a bit much. He has a girlfriend, who apparently tattooed his name on her body, and I don’t get why he doesn’t just ask her to help him with things.

I find too that if I stay on the phone too long with him he’ll start mentioning things like:

– How his new girlfriend is going to buy him a truck

– How he thinks he’ll settle down with her, even though he’s still running around after other women (but he’ll change after he gets married, really)

– Asking why it didn’t work out between us even though I’ve told him numerous times (you can’t dictate who my friends are, among other things)

– How much our boss sucks and is cheap and prays too much

Sometimes I think he’s telling me things to make me jealous, or to regret leaving him, but honestly I don’t even listen anymore once he starts to talk about anything related to that. It’s annoying and I want it to stop, especially with A coming back (I don’t think he would appreciate Mr. Spice calling all the time and I respect that). I need to put some distance and I have stopped answering his calls all the time (especially when he calls during work, I hate that), but it’s also backfired on me when it’s something work related.

I did get a small victory though, as he’s stopped asking me for sex every time I see him. The thought now makes me uncomfortable, and I really didn’t appreciate how that disrespected A, and I suppose myself as well (but mostly A).


And to be honest I don’t think I really like him as a person anymore. Now having the opportunity to see the other side of him (as a “friend” of sorts, I guess), I’m not happy with what I see. He uses people constantly – it’s never about what he can do for someone, but what they can do for him (see above re: his girlfriend buying him a truck). He constantly complains about the state of his life and it’s always somebody else’s fault (as though he had no decision-making power in the 15 years he’s been in this country, he obviously could have done nothing to make his life better). I’m pretty sure he’s unable to be faithful (why brag about your girlfriend and then admit to seeing other women?), and I know now that when we were together he was out womanizing (now I understand why he was always accusing me of sleeping with other people – because he was and assumed I was too!)

I would love to be able to dump him again as a friend, but the truth is I need to keep him close for this job thing – it’s better the devil you know, as they say, and there are times when I need him to do me favours regarding managing the building. I can’t ask for favours if I cut him out. I guess until I quit this 2nd job I’ll have to live with having him in my life. I just wish I could manage to keep it to a strictly work-related relationship and still keep things civil!


Why I date black men

I am a white woman and I love black men.

Any long-time reader would have probably picked up on that by now.

My first schoolgirl crush, in the 5th grade, was a boy named Ryan. He was black. My third real-life crush was another black boy named Jordan in the 8th grade. Since I’ve been old enough to be attracted to the opposite sex I have been attracted to both white and black boys, with the majority of real-life attraction being directed at the darker segment of the gender.

Aside: I am differentiating between real life and celebrity attractions because Teen Bop and Tiger Beat didn’t really have black guys in their magazines that I can remember – I just remember a lot of Jonathan Taylor Thomas!

This will probably be a post full of contradictions, nonsensical rambling, and generalizations but I’ve been thinking a lot about why I tend to date black men exclusively – is it me, is it them, is it something else? I’ve come to the conclusion that there are a few reasons, all of which are interrelated in some way.

Another aside, which is clearly my favourite thing in whole world: I started thinking about this after my father found out about A and suggested that my penchant for black men may say something about me – though I’m thinking that his notice of the skin colour of my choice in men also says something about him. Oh snap.


I love the ease in which black men are men. They are confident in their masculinity, they own it, and they flaunt it. I love that. The thing is, I want a man, with zero blurred lines – my feeling, as well as my experience, tell me that my chances of finding the kind of man that I’m looking for among the black population is greater than in the white population.

I think in part due to the abovementioned confidence, black men are the only men to ever approach me. I can’t even remember the last time I was hit on by a white man – it just doesn’t happen.  The few and brief encounters I have had with white men in the recent past have been mediocre at best – sometimes clumsy, sometimes awkward, and sometimes I’ll think I’ve met someone who has that confidence factor I love until I find out he’s really just arrogant (one particular guy comes to mind!)

Then there is the sex. It’s just been better with black men, and it has nothing to do with penis size (I swear). Maybe it’s their rhythm, or their confidence, or a combination of multiple factors that makes the sex better (based on prior experience). Or maybe I’m just not meeting the right white guys (entirely likely given the above paragraph). In any case, black men take their time and do things slowly – there’s been no wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am moments, even with the youngest of them I’ve been with. They’ve known where to touch me, how to touch me, and when to touch me without much direction from me. To put it bluntly, it’s rare for me to not climax when I’ve been with black men – the opposite is true of my experiences with white men.

Having said all of the above though, I just really love men in general – black, white, or any other colour.


I’ll stick with my lady bits, thanks…

The average man has about 11 erections each day and several more at night.

Source: SexHealthMatters – Male Erection Frequency

I’ll take bleeding for a few days every month over having something hard sticking out of my pants randomly.

I really thought that daily erections were something only teenage boys experienced, but when I asked 2 men in my life, their answers were “I have a lot” and “I’m at 27 a day.”

I learn something new every day!


I’m a sucker for the bad boy

My grandfather: “So I hear you’re dating a black guy.”

I knew this would come up sooner or later. You would think my family would be used to my taste in men by now though. I have never been attracted to the clean-cut choir boy type, much to their dismay. Instead I am undeniably attracted to the bad boys.

When I was younger my taste was for the goth boys, the tall, dark, and skinny boys who wore lots of black, chains, and nail polish. Extra credit if they also played in a band, and a definite shoe-in if they were the lead singer.

My tastes matured in college to a more mature version of the above; still tall, dark, and skinny, only now they were men, preferably who still played in bands but who ditched the chains and nail polish for a more polished look. Extra credit if they have tattoos and piercings.

Once I was properly single for the first time in my adult life my tastes changed to black men. I think this is partly due to my experiences with white men, which have not been all that favourable (aside: I can hear a black guy I knew once saying that he can’t date black girls because they remind him of his sister). Black men, in my experience, are undeniably masculine, and that is what I want (need?) at this point in my life. I want a man who is a man, who knows he’s a man and who doesn’t deviate from that.

Of course, given my preference for the bad boy type, the inclination towards black men is probably also due to the fact that interracial dating is still considered taboo to many and so what better way to buck the system now that I’ve already brought home the tattooed and pierced goth boys?

I hope this in no way trivializes my attraction to / affection for / love of black men – it’s just an observation on my part.

The ironic thing though is that A is literally the most clean-cut man I’ve dated, ever. Maybe I’ve actually found the best of both worlds?

Image courtesy of strivetwosucceed.wordpress.com


This must be love, or something close

I’ve seen a change in myself. I’m not sure if I like it. I liked that I found romance to be awkward and was often uncomfortable if an effort was made from a man to be romantic. I don’t do rose petals on the bed, or songs being sung to me, or even flowers (though flowers are rather innocent and I don’t so much mind this). All of this mostly just makes me feel uncomfortable and I don’t know how to react and I wish I was anywhere other than where the romance was happening.

But A makes me want to make mixed tapes for chrissakes. Mixed tapes! Do you know how long it’s been since I made a mixed tape for a boy? He makes me want to do some of those romantic things that I would have shunned only a few months ago. It’s not at the point where I want to run through a field of daisies holding hands with him, but maybe there’s something more to this romance thing than I originally thought?
I love that he always carries the heavy bags, without asking. That he always opens doors for me. That he will wrap his arms around me sometimes and hold my hand at the most random times.
Maybe because I’ve been so used to doing things on my own I haven’t really been open to actual romance. What I mean by that is that I mostly handled all of the household chores when I was married and living with my ex before. When we separated things didn’t change that much for me in that respect. I always cleaned. I always handled the bills. The only difference going from married to single was that I suddenly had the whole bed to myself (and I know I’m severely oversimplifying the whole marriage thing and of course my ex brought a lot more to the table, like emotional support, but even that I was able to replace with super awesome friends like Mr. Dreads).
Sidenote: I’m in no way saying that my ex wasn’t important to me or that he didn’t play a huge role in my life for a long time, I’m only saying that my day to day life didn’t change very much.
So in the spirit of trying to be a girl for once and embracing romance, I’ve started to keep a playlist of songs to send to A when I feel like it. This is what we do. We send each other songs.
In no particular order:
And he has sent me:
You can puke now.

“Are you in love?”

This is what my mother asked me over the weekend.

I said “No, of course not, it’s too soon.”

But then yesterday I found myself looking at rings online. What the fuck? Way too soon for that.

A is meeting my mother’s side of the family on Monday for Thanksgiving. It should be interesting. I hope she likes him, but I’m pretty sure she will. I think my dad will also like him but we’re going to leave that meeting for when A is back in Canada next year.

Did I mention I’m planning on going to Jamaica in February to visit A? It’s also an opportunity to see his family and make sure everything is on the up-and-up. You never know….I’ve learned that lesson a few times over now.

I am cautiously optimistic about this one – I can see myself settling down with him but at the same time I’m watching for things out of the ordinary. I don’t want to get hurt again.

These are the things that go through my head that I would normally never admit to anyone – but what’s the point of having a blog if not to admit even the most ridiculous thoughts?

Oh, I should also mention that I’ve started the paperwork for the divorce order, and expect to be officially single as of the end of the year. Happy New Year I guess!


There’s a lot of “like” around here these days

You know I’m in serious like with someone when I bake them cookies.

A got home late last night from work after a long day. I asked him half-jokingly whether he wanted me to make him cookies. He said yes. I made chocolate chip cookies and then dropped them off at his place.



I think I’m in trouble!

I never updated about our trip to Niagara Falls this weekend – it is part of the “things to do in Canada” list that can now be crossed off. We had a lot of fun and took a lot of pictures. At one point we were holding hands and it felt good. I swear I’m not usually like this, I don’t know what this man does to me. I usually shun lovey-dovey stuff so this is quite a different side of myself. I’m not sure whether I like it – I don’t want to be one of those women (you know the kind I’m talking about!).

In other news, and with the exception of Mr. Basketball who has been MIA for weeks now, all the men on the side have now been told that I’m not available for anything romantic. I guess that really does make it official…


Not the greatest start to the week

Mr. Jamaica texted me to ask whether he could see me this week. I haven’t really spoken to him in a couple weeks so he didn’t know yet about the change in my relationship status.

So I told him. It didn’t go particularly well, but it also wasn’t great. I think he was hurt and disappointed and I don’t like doing that to anyone.

But I also don’t like stringing people along, and things are somewhat serious with A, so it’s time to place ALL men into the “friends” category.

Mr. Jamaica asked if he could see me one more time. I don’t know whether this is a good idea – why would he want to see me if he knows there’s nothing to pursue?