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Spicey McSpice is driving me crazy

Mr. Spice has been calling often lately, sometimes multiple times a day. Sometimes it is to discuss something work related, but more often than not it’s to “see how I’m doing” or to ask my advice about something (like getting his printer working).

I’m fine offering my advice, but it’s getting to be a bit much. He has a girlfriend, who apparently tattooed his name on her body, and I don’t get why he doesn’t just ask her to help him with things.

I find too that if I stay on the phone too long with him he’ll start mentioning things like:

– How his new girlfriend is going to buy him a truck

– How he thinks he’ll settle down with her, even though he’s still running around after other women (but he’ll change after he gets married, really)

– Asking why it didn’t work out between us even though I’ve told him numerous times (you can’t dictate who my friends are, among other things)

– How much our boss sucks and is cheap and prays too much

Sometimes I think he’s telling me things to make me jealous, or to regret leaving him, but honestly I don’t even listen anymore once he starts to talk about anything related to that. It’s annoying and I want it to stop, especially with A coming back (I don’t think he would appreciate Mr. Spice calling all the time and I respect that). I need to put some distance and I have stopped answering his calls all the time (especially when he calls during work, I hate that), but it’s also backfired on me when it’s something work related.

I did get a small victory though, as he’s stopped asking me for sex every time I see him. The thought now makes me uncomfortable, and I really didn’t appreciate how that disrespected A, and I suppose myself as well (but mostly A).

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And to be honest I don’t think I really like him as a person anymore. Now having the opportunity to see the other side of him (as a “friend” of sorts, I guess), I’m not happy with what I see. He uses people constantly – it’s never about what he can do for someone, but what they can do for him (see above re: his girlfriend buying him a truck). He constantly complains about the state of his life and it’s always somebody else’s fault (as though he had no decision-making power in the 15 years he’s been in this country, he obviously could have done nothing to make his life better). I’m pretty sure he’s unable to be faithful (why brag about your girlfriend and then admit to seeing other women?), and I know now that when we were together he was out womanizing (now I understand why he was always accusing me of sleeping with other people – because he was and assumed I was too!)

I would love to be able to dump him again as a friend, but the truth is I need to keep him close for this job thing – it’s better the devil you know, as they say, and there are times when I need him to do me favours regarding managing the building. I can’t ask for favours if I cut him out. I guess until I quit this 2nd job I’ll have to live with having him in my life. I just wish I could manage to keep it to a strictly work-related relationship and still keep things civil!

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It’s about balance

How do you balance working towards a common goal with someone that you want to be with long-term, but also ensuring that YOU will be ok if things fall apart?

I’ve never been very good at that. I guess I just throw myself into things and let other things slide, things that would make the transition to “unattached” easier.

I have to try really hard to remember that I must do what is right for me (and the dogs).

This is not to say that I have any doubts about where A and I stand, or are going. We are great, and work really well together. We have similar goals and want the same things in life. We respect each other and there have been no red flags of any kind. Also, we make a damn good-looking couple together.

BUT I am somewhat torn in the living situation. Due to my new job (on the other side of the city), it makes more sense for me to be closer to work – which means, literally, across the city from A (when he comes back to Canada).

Of course, across the city is really nothing compared to halfway across the world…

I’ve promised myself that I would at least wait to make a decision on the living situation until he is back and somewhat settled – it’s unlikely though that he will find a job in the same area of the city (that would just be way too convenient, life cannot be that easy).

It’s hard though when I see condos in my price range and in my desired location that I want to jump on, but I keep reminding myself of what my father always says to pull me back from impulse decisions: “there will always be another one.”

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Technology is wonderful

I don’t know how people survived long distance relationships before without the multitude of technology at their fingertips.

Today A is sending me paint colours to help him pick a colour for his bathroom. Of course I’ve never seen his bathroom in person but I have seen the tour of his house on Skype AND the new tiling he did in images and video so I wouldn’t be blindly helping him pick a colour.

Yesterday he drove to Kingston with a friend, and sent the below images along the way:

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Obviously it’s not the same as being there, but every little bit helps to stay connected.

 

 

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Long Distance SUCKS

Long distance is hard. It’s much harder than I thought it would be. I am glad for technology and the ability to keep in touch with A throughout the day. I often send him the most mundane things – images, videos – over WhatsApp. He has seen so many images of my dogs, my clothes, things I’ve bought, food I’ve made. I’m just trying to keep him “in the loop,” so to speak.

The one thing that has been good though is that I have no trust issues with this man. There are no alarm bells, or anything that would even suggest there’s something else going on down in Jamaica than what I’ve been told. When I call him, I reach him, every time. If he’s with people he will still talk to me, and on video no less. And when he’s out with friends he will often hop on the free wifi and call me via Skype to talk. A man with something to hide would not behave this way – I should know, I’ve been with enough men who had something to hide!

Regardless, the distance is hard. There’s a lot to be said for being able to just touch someone. It’s also expensive to call the Caribbean, and sometimes Skype is not an option. I’m scared to see my upcoming phone bill actually – the first week he was gone we blew through 600 minutes of airtime, and that doesn’t factor in the time spent talking over wifi. At $0.25/minute that can really add up.

It’s all worth it though….and only 44 more days to go before I’m in Jamaica!

 

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Well so far this sucks

After being literally exhausted yesterday I passed out early and actually slept a straight 8 hours through the night. I felt amazing when I woke up, but A called me before work and seems to be really missing us (I think by “us” he means me and the dogs because he really bonded with Molly – see below!) and that made me sad.

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I’m planning on sending him a care package tomorrow filled with homemade cookies and my own pantygram (new panties, not worn!) and this morning I sent this image to him to cheer him up:

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To which he replied:

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At least our sense of humour is still intact!

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Leaving on a jet plane

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The cold has settled into my bones it seems. Not great timing – after dropping A off at the airport this morning I went home and got into bed to try and get another few minutes of sleep. I was so cold, even fully clothed. It was like my bed was chastising me for laying in it alone after having another human being in it for 7 nights straight. There was no warm body to steal heat from and I might resort to having the dogs sleep on the bed again so I can stay warm at night.

It was a good weekend, though bittersweet. It didn’t really hit me until last night that he was leaving and I started tearing up during sex. Really now, could my eyes not have waited until after sex to leak?

Highlights:

– It snowed! I was really hoping for the first snow while he was still here. There’s just something romantic about those first few flurries, especially when you’re huddled in a warm bed together.

– I took a detour offroad Saturday just for fun. His reaction to almost getting stuck in a mud pit was pretty funny. Apparently offroading/mudding is strictly a white person thing – but he admitted after he calmed down that he had fun.

Now I guess the countdown begins to when I fly out to visit him – 63 days!