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Butterflies

My first romantic experience with a boy came in the 8th grade. His name was Jon (no “h”), he had red hair (I’ve always had a thing for guys with red hair – yes I know, I am capable of attraction to men other than those of the black persuasion), and his family had just moved into my neighbourhood. Actually, he was a transplanted American, so he was also the first non-Canadian boy (which apparently became somewhat of a trend in my life).

Being from a warmer state and arriving in the dead of winter he was wholly unprepared, opting to wear shorts in the middle of February to his first day of school. He had a winter coat at least, but the image he makes in my head is quite odd – skinny stick legs poking out of boarder shorts, a winter coat bulking up his torso, and a mop of red hair.

Despite his clear awkwardness in life, we shyly grew closer as Winter turned to Spring and then to Summer. At least, as close as things can grow when you’re as inexperienced as we were (oh those were the days when I waited until at least the SECOND date to sleep with someone). One warm evening at dusk we decided to go for a walk down our street alone, and it was while we were walking that he grabbed my hand.

I was shocked that a boy that wasn’t a relative was touching me, and I felt giddy and happy and those familiar butterflies – imagine, from something as innocent and as simple as hand-holding.

Eventually Jon and I parted ways and never made it past the hand-holding stage (no folks, he never even made it to first base, clearly things have changed in my dating life).

At times I get the same feeling from A – those butterflies that come from something new, from someone you genuinely like. It’s been a long time since I’ve had that and I’m really enjoying it.

And for the record: it’s so much better at 30 than it was at 14.

butterfly love

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Finally, the end of Winter 2014?

Maybe I’m being presumptuous in wanting to bust out my sandals, but I feel like Winter is finally waning. I won’t be sad to see it go, as it really was a bunch of bullshit this year. The ice storm was cool until I lost power and I love that we got so much snow (only because 1. I have 4WD that makes driving in snow actually fun, and 2. I live in an apartment so I don’t have to shovel any driveway), but I hate when the snow melts and all the garbage and dog poop starts to show, and the freezing cold weather made a quick trip outside miserable. I think it was the bitter cold that pissed me off the most about this winter, I would have punched winter if I could have, right in it’s ugly bitch face.

(On a side note though, why do people insist on not cleaning up their dog’s poop? It’s gross. Yes, it’s not exactly pleasant picking it up either, but seriously people, pick up after your dog or don’t have one. Assholes.)

However, despite Winter being a bitch most of the time, I did manage to have a lot of fun with the dogs, as seen below:

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10007486_10152250970017744_1907495005_n 1977413_10152252793947744_282300710_n 1966699_10152250973952744_82644861_n 1920028_10152250973957744_331266468_n 1779787_10152252762032744_1817094519_n 1477629_10152252762362744_112673393_n 1239359_10152250973942744_474885718_n 1656290_10152250973947744_1436858692_n 1959737_10152250973877744_2111348321_n 1794731_10152250974522744_1519081211_nMy dog is a dick for ruining my snow heart for no reason. I still love her though.

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New year!

Obviously I’m a little behind. With the holidays and getting ready for Jamaica things have been kinda crazy in my life.

While I’m not one to make resolutions, I have been thinking about some things I want to accomplish this year:

The first is I need to get my financial life in order. After the separation there were unexpected bills that put me in debt – that I am still paying off, even as of last week! I want to pay off the little bit of debt I have and start saving. By the end of the year I want to be in a place where I can breathe comfortably and sleep well at night. This is my biggest goal.

I want to finalize the divorce. I want that part of my life over and done with.

I want to continue to nurture and grow the new relationships I have made since the separation  – I think this is important given the above. If I am to really start over and have that part of my life closed, I unfortunately need to let go of some people, especially those with close ties to my ex.

I want to start preparing my body for a child. I need to get off one of the medications I’m on, and start taking folic acid every day. This seems so easy, but I haven’t been able to do it consistently yet!

As far as where A and I will end up, that’s not something I can speculate on. I am hopeful. I’ve also learned though that people and life can throw you curveballs! I’m planning for the future but keeping my eyes open.

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Love is a Mixtape

Title from the novel “Love Is A Mixtape” by Rob Sheffield.

 I used to make mix tapes often – first on cassettes, then on compact discs. I made many for boyfriends over the years and had many made for me. Once the iPod became my main mode of musical media though this stopped. I still made playlists on the iPod, but they were made for personal consumption rather than for any one person in particular.

Although music has been a substantial part of most of my relationships in one way or another, I have never actually thought to chronicle the songs that had meaning to the relationships.

I want to change that because it’s important to me that I remember the emotions and whatnot of specific moments, or periods of time. Only music can really do that – it’s why I still avoid certain songs from my past that I know will evoke negative emotions. It’s also why I will seek out certain songs when I want to be reminded of something.

Aside: I have been purposefully avoiding most music that reminds me of my ex-husband – as the relationship was 12 years long it’s quite a list of music that I won’t listen to!

With that said, below is a playlist of songs that A and I have traded back and forth in the very short time we’ve been together – I will be updating the page “Love Is A Mixtape” as needed.

October 2013

The Weakerthans – The Reasons: 

Drake – Take Care:

Lana Del Rey – Video Games:

Michael Jackson – You Are Not Alone:

Marvin Gaye – Sexual Healing:

Marvin Gaye – Let’s Get It On:

Konshens – I’m Coming:

Mavado – Always On My Mind:

Da’ville – Always On My Mind:

September 2013

Fantasia – Even Angels: