1

Wow I’m old

I’ve been really loving PARTYNEXTDOOR lately – his music is a nice break from the usual Dirty South Hip Hop I listen to. I love the confidence he exudes in the music….and I love love love that he’s from the Greater Toronto Area.

Plus he’s kinda cute, so excuse me while I have a few daydreams about this man:

PARTYNEXTDOOR(totally the type of guy I would go for)

Except……………….he’s 20!?

That would be a new low for me – and I thought Manchild was bad!

Daydream = dead. Oh well.

9

Mr. Manchild and WTF was I thinking?

I think one of the things I appreciate most about A, and that surprised me the most, was how he hasn’t judged me based on past decisions. For example, the whole sleeping with him the first night decision. It wasn’t my intention, but it happened (with many, clearly I’m easy), and although he could have implied that I’m slutty like this asshole did, the first date sex never seemed to alter his opinion of me as somebody who he may want to introduce to his mother someday.

One of the poor decisions that A now knows about happened this summer. When it first happened I only told one person the details. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to share it, even anonymously, let alone tell someone who I have an investment in about it because it’s definitely one of the more embarrassing moments and one that I’m not particularly proud of. Regardless, I let A read the below email to my friend, which was written at 2:40am after getting home from that night:

This is just between you and me. I slept with a 24-year-old man child tonight. I didn’t intend to, but he kept pressing himself against me and then the next thing I know I’m suggesting we go back to his place.

His place? Basically above a shed in somebody’s backyard. I can’t even believe it qualifies as an apartment. He didn’t have toilet paper. I was like “uh, you don’t have toilet paper and I need to pee” and he handed me some napkin from a restaurant chain or something. To clean up after sex he used his shirt.

Oh, and my ass hurts. Do you want to know why? Men who are not large enough cannot do the woman-laying-flat-on-her-stomach-stick-it-in-from-behind position. He tried. He penetrated my ass and OW it hurts now.

I think you will laugh at the above. I think I will too, one day.

In the meantime, no more younger guys for me. I’ve learned my lesson.

OH and as I was leaving he asked if he could come with me. I was like is this guy serious? I have a man showing up at my place in 10 hours, no he can’t come with me. Though I have to say he kept saying in disbelief “oh my god you’re so hot” and that was kinda awesome.

The above is a true story. It started in the bar as Manchild and I were playing pool and he kissed me. Then he kissed me again. Then we left and stopped at a strip club for all of 5 minutes because he kissed me again. Then my brain shut down and my genitals took over. Obviously I was attracted to him but I probably should have left once I got to his place and realized it was a shed in somebody’s backyard behind a garage that they turned into an apartment by adding a toilet, shower, sink, and kitchen appliances (honestly I can’t believe what some people in this city get away with calling apartments and renting out as habitable living spaces).

Anyway, back to the point, which is that after reading the above, A’s only response was to laugh and say “try not to do that again.” He scored major points for this reaction.

4

One month

Since I’ve started having sex…as an adult….I have not gone for longer than a month without having sex.

It was only 2 weeks between partners though – the month-long dry period was due more to a recurrent yeast infection that actually became painful. TMI? Sorry.

I digress. A and I have talked a few times about the fact that he’s going home for a few months. I’m not going to lie….it’s going to suck. I like sex, a lot, and I like sex even more with him. I am promising myself that if we decide to keep this relationship closed that I will be good and I will also keep my legs closed.

I don’t doubt my ability to be faithful and I don’t care if he isn’t. I have already explained to him that I don’t necessarily expect a man to never have sex with another woman because things happen – it gets hurtful and complicated when there is another relationship involved – that’s a whole other ballgame.

Sometimes I think I must be crazy, honestly, to even be considering this relationship. I just really like him. A lot. He makes my legs weak. And his body is perfect – it’s muscular and manly but still soft. Below the belt is just as beautiful. And he always smells amazing. I am in complete lust with this man.

7

The new men

Marlene Dietrich defying gender roles

Marlene Dietrich defying gender roles

I’ve been meaning to discuss this topic for awhile: women as the new men.

Here’s the story from a few months ago: I met a man. We made plans to get together. When he suggested my place I agreed since it gave us a chance to talk (I love actually “doing things” on dates but I’d also like to get to know somebody and sometimes those two things are mutually exclusive it seems).

Sidenote: I would not usually invite somebody to my place for the first time, but honestly my dog can be somewhat intimidating and although she’s very people-friendly she WILL hurt anyone who tries to hurt me.

We had a lot in common. He was attractive, and I know he found me attractive. He was choosing music to play from my iPad while we were talking. Somehow we started talking about porn and he pulled up a porn site on my iPad and started a video. I was just thinking men get too excited when they find out a woman watches porn, which I find silly – we all have the same needs!

Anyway after a minute or two he passed the iPad to me to pick a video. I declined. It just didn’t interest me. I watch porn for a very specific reason and honestly the whole thing just felt awkward.

Fast forward an hour or so and we still have a lot to talk about (of the non-sexual variety). I was feeling him, and I knew he was feeling me when he leaned in to kiss me. We continued kissing on my couch and my intention to not sleep with him that day flew out the window because…well, it was hot.

Why did I not want to sleep with him? The reason I had before the couch kissing was that I think I sometimes I fall into bed too easily with a man. I’ve said before that I’ve surprised myself since being single at how things can just happen. It’s not that I’m easy or I’m looking for validation, or anything like that – but if it feels good why would I want to stop it?

So you can imagine that at the point when he suggested we go to the bedroom my head was already dizzy with lust. As we’re kissing in the bedroom (standing) I reluctantly pulled away and said “I think we should stop.”

I can’t remember his exact response but it was along the lines of “no we shouldn’t.” Although I said I wanted to stop I didn’t really want to because again, if it feels good….and so we slept together.

Another sidenote: it was not very good.

Afterwards it was pretty clear that we weren’t going to work out romantically or sexually.

The next day I texted him to ask him what he thought of the day before. My intention was to open up the conversation as to whether we should see each other again. His response was not what I expected:

“…I would of appreciated it more if you said no. I’m not looking for a quick fuck I want someone who is gonna make me work. Men appreciate the challenge.”

I responded that I didn’t understand how he could say he didn’t want a quick fuck when:

  1. I told him shortly before the kissing that he had to leave soon (I was meeting a friend), AND
  2. I had actually said we should stop but he pushed it forward anyway.

I certainly did not appreciate his implication that I’m too easy / slutty.

His response?

“ ‘Cause I’m a guy and I won’t turn down sex from a pretty girl. Can you blame me? It’s just not what I’m looking for.”

…..Uh, you could have fooled me.

I respect that someone is not just looking for sex, however the last time I checked it took two people to have intercourse. Why should it fall on the woman to pull away?

Oh, that’s right, I guess I forgot – we still have these silly double standards and gender stereotypes. I guess I don’t conform since I actually like sex and don’t feel bad about that fact. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve had one-night stands or that I’ve slept with someone on the first night meeting them.

I am (was) a single woman and I have (had) casual sex.

Women have opportunities that once were only available to men. We are increasingly choosing to postpone having kids to focus on our careers. We have choices and the confidence to make those choices that we didn’t have before.

The playing field has been leveled and that includes how women think about sex. If we can take over the boardroom why shouldn’t we also have the (previously male only) luxury of choosing how and when we have sex without the slut stigma?

0

Weekend randomness. This is where my head is at.

Don’t expect any cohesion to the below, it just ain’t happening today.
I’m really liking Mr. Smiley.
It’s too bad he’s going back home to Jamaica in November. His intention is to come back to Toronto in the Spring but nothing is ever for certain in life. I am going to miss him when he leaves.

We spent both Friday and Saturday night together, him leaving early in the morning both times. I always have a great time with him, sex not included. He makes me laugh, and I think that’s one of the best aphrodisiacs anyway. I don’t seem to ever want him to leave my bed. Kinda wish I could keep him there permanently. How awesome would it be to come home to that every day?

Damn life getting in the way.

I have been detaching myself from Mr. Jamaica after an incident last week. More to come on that later.

I have also been trimming down on the men in my life – it’s too exhausting keeping up with all of them.

Finally to end off the weekend I got the following text from this guy who I have not met:

Made with Repix (http://repix.it)

I just told him thanks, but no thanks. I may not exactly be virginal but I do like to at least meet a guy before falling in bed with him. Even I’m not that slutty.
3

The summer went out with a BANG

So after my exciting night with Mr. Young I was looking forward to seeing Mr. Bball on Saturday evening. The plan was for him to text me once he was done with his daughter’s birthday party. He never did, and in fact I haven’t heard from him since, so I’m pretty much writing him off. I don’t really have the time to chase someone who doesn’t seem to be interested – I barely have time for the men who are interested.

However, I wasn’t too disappointed. Instead, Mr. Jamaica came over to hang out. Hanging out turned into sleeping together, obviously, and then hanging out naked in my bed for a few hours, getting up, ordering pizza, watching a movie, and then him leaving because we were both falling asleep. I offered him my bed for the night because I was worried about him driving home sleepy, but he declined and I was kinda glad – I think it’s too early for that yet.

Texted to a friend from my bed.

I had made plans to meet another man on Sunday who just seemed like a lot of fun. We ended up playing glow-in-the-dark mini putt and then having a few drinks. On the way home I decided I wanted to sleep with him, so…..I did. I brought him home, we had some fun, and then he left.

Now that I feel like I got all of the slutty out of my system, I am focusing on spending time with Mr. Jamaica because he really is just the cutest (and in fact, I am currently updating this from his truck while he works!)