3

Brain matter

714This weekend my brain decided to throw me another awesome little surprise in the form of a migraine.

I saw “another” because when I was 15 I started having these short 10-second episodes where I felt like I was rising out of my body. I would get 10 to 20 episodes a day, but never thought much of them, and never mentioned anything to my parents.

Eventually I was getting fewer, and by the time I was in college I was having them a couple times a year.

Within 6 months of my first ever “adult” job I had a grand mal seizure (in the office, during a meeting, awesome). At the ER the doctor informed me that I had had a seizure, and that she was required to report this to the Ministry of Transportation as they have to suspend my license until I can be cleared by a neurologist.

Of course, this being Canada, it took 2 months to get in to see the neurologist. At this point, I had another grand mal seizure on Christmas Eve (1.5 months after the first). By this time though I had done a lot of research on seizures and had already come to the conclusion that those short episodes I had in my teens were simple partial seizures. This is also the feeling I get in the seconds before losing consciousness from a grand mal (then it’s called an aura).

ID-100100660The neurologist confirmed I have temporal lobe epilepsy through an EEG, and I was put on medication. Since that time I have been seizure free (8 years now).

I woke up Friday morning at 4am with a pounding headache. I fell back asleep, hoping that the headache would disappear with more sleep. Too bad that wasn’t the case because I woke up to my alarm clock and it was even worse. It was centred in the front of my head, around my temples, and behind my eyes (even now I can feel some eye strain and tenderness at my temples). I managed to get through the day at work, but mostly because there wasn’t much to have to focus on.

I went to bed Friday night thinking that there was no way I was going to wake up with this pain still – except I did, which is when I made the decision to go to the doctor (correction: my mother gave me the ultimatum of seeing whether my doctor could see me that morning or going to the ER. There was no way I was going to sit around sick people for hours if I could help it).

When my doctor assessed me she confirmed that I was having a migraine. She gave me a prescription for Tylenol 3 – and thank god Mr. Dreads was around to drive me because I was in no condition. As soon as I got home I popped one of those suckers, and waited. Nothing happened, except I got really tired and had a nap.

Surely I thought it would have been gone when I woke up – but nope! I popped another one, and waited again. Nothing.

After another 4 hours waiting I took 2 more and went to bed. At the very least they allowed me to sleep somewhat peacefully despite the pounding in my head.

Sunday I woke up with minimal pain but felt like complete crap. In fact, I felt similar to how I feel after a seizure – lethargic, nauseous, and overall just shitty. Apparently this is common after both a seizure and a migraine, except this shitty feeling has lasted through to today.

At what point can I expect this to stop? I am leaving for Jamaica early tomorrow morning and would hate to feel like this stepping off the plane. Actually I would hate to feel like this at all, but certainly not while sitting trapped on a plane for 4 hours. I’m already a pretty bad traveller, I don’t need this shit to make it worse.

4

Sorry, but I’m not sorry

Have you ever had to apologize for something that you didn’t think you should have to apologize for?

I had to do this today, and all I wanted to do was send the below image to the crazy woman instead – because I’m not sorry!

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Sometimes I wish I could speak my mind like a child but without the adult consequences.

3

Single GTA Women: Watch For This Man

I saw this story on the news last night and am passing it on.

This is 29-year-old Robert Charles Henry, who also goes by the name “Anthony Henry”

He is 6’ 2”, weighing about 190 pounds, with an athletic build, short black hair and a thin chinstrap beard and goatee.

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He is accused of forcing a woman he met on PlentyofFish into his car, threatening to kill her, and hitting her with his car.

Police believe there may be more victims.

He drives a 2001 Silver Lexus with license plate BSDY 927.

If you have seen this man, or have been unfortunate enough to meet him, please contact Toronto police at 416-808-5204, or anonymously through Crime Stoppers at 416-222-TIPS (8477), online at 222tips.com, or by texting TOR and your message to CRIMES (274637).

4

Internet, you are awesome

I wish I could see inside people's head sometimes, just so that I could understand what they were really looking for when they stumbled across this blog using these search terms:

“girl gum sex”
Sounds kinky. And sticky.

“kids intoxicated”
This is just wrong and I hope it's not some type of weird pedophile porn fetish.

“I'm a black man and I love white women”
I love you too, anonymous black man.

“intoxicated dating website”
Because, you know, sober dating is so boring. This could possibly be an interesting reality show concept though.

“was the do dogs even have brains girl serious”
I've been wondering the same thing!

Which leads me to some of the strangest Google auto-completes that I've seen – people really are very, very strange:

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Uh…

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Interesting defense.

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I bet gifted children taste extra special too due to the larger brains.

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Rats need to be loved too, I guess.

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Seriously what is wrong with people?

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Most of the black people I know would agree with this statement.

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This reminds me of a story I heard from Barrie, ON, where a woman was divorced from a man who turns out had been sleeping with his mother, and who fathered at least two kids with her. How do you explain that to the kids – your father is also your brother? Your mother is also your grandmother? That's messed up.

And the reason that person's hooha smells like fish is due to bacterial vaginosis – just saying, ladies get that shit cleared up, ok?

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Yes, no, no, oh my god no

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Does this actually sound like a fun experiment to anyone else?

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Me too.

 

1

World Toilet Day

Did you know that November 19th was “World Toilet Day?”

The mandate of this observance is to raise awareness “about the need for all human beings to have access to sanitation,” because apparently a whole bunch of people worldwide don’t have access to a proper toilet.

Crazy, right?

And here I am with my very own personal toilet, sink, and shower that I clearly take completely for granted.

More disturbing though than not having a toilet is the fact that Indian women have to travel in groups to use communal bathrooms, otherwise they face being molested by packs of men who hang out around the bathroom. Filthy pigs. Instead some women opt to just relieve themselves publicly, which has made India the “global capital of open defecation.”

I can’t even pee without the door closed AND water running if A is in the next room!

I started reading the comments on this Huffington Post article and grew more disturbed:

natal_plum:

…I have a close friend who was invited to attend the wedding of a professional colleague of hers in India two years ago. She made it a three week vacation and took along her 18 year old daughter. They were both so shell shocked and traumatized when they got back I don’t think words can adequately explain what happened to them. As westerners they were advised to dress very conservatively. Even so, every time they were out in public they were openly fondled and groped all day every day.

Then I started clicking on the related articles and was reminded of how lucky I am, as a woman, to have been born in Canada, to be able to have a job, a toilet, dignity, and the right to not be assaulted (or have justice if, god forbid, I ever am) – I’m appalled and thought I would share some of the articles that made me so grateful to be Canadian. Our society is far from perfect, but it’s better than this:

No Menstrual Hygiene For Indian Women Holds Economy Back

India faces stinking reality on Toilet Day

Why Women Go to the Toilet in Groups

I am going to give my toilet an extra special cleaning today to show my appreciation to it.

9

Mr. Manchild and WTF was I thinking?

I think one of the things I appreciate most about A, and that surprised me the most, was how he hasn’t judged me based on past decisions. For example, the whole sleeping with him the first night decision. It wasn’t my intention, but it happened (with many, clearly I’m easy), and although he could have implied that I’m slutty like this asshole did, the first date sex never seemed to alter his opinion of me as somebody who he may want to introduce to his mother someday.

One of the poor decisions that A now knows about happened this summer. When it first happened I only told one person the details. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to share it, even anonymously, let alone tell someone who I have an investment in about it because it’s definitely one of the more embarrassing moments and one that I’m not particularly proud of. Regardless, I let A read the below email to my friend, which was written at 2:40am after getting home from that night:

This is just between you and me. I slept with a 24-year-old man child tonight. I didn’t intend to, but he kept pressing himself against me and then the next thing I know I’m suggesting we go back to his place.

His place? Basically above a shed in somebody’s backyard. I can’t even believe it qualifies as an apartment. He didn’t have toilet paper. I was like “uh, you don’t have toilet paper and I need to pee” and he handed me some napkin from a restaurant chain or something. To clean up after sex he used his shirt.

Oh, and my ass hurts. Do you want to know why? Men who are not large enough cannot do the woman-laying-flat-on-her-stomach-stick-it-in-from-behind position. He tried. He penetrated my ass and OW it hurts now.

I think you will laugh at the above. I think I will too, one day.

In the meantime, no more younger guys for me. I’ve learned my lesson.

OH and as I was leaving he asked if he could come with me. I was like is this guy serious? I have a man showing up at my place in 10 hours, no he can’t come with me. Though I have to say he kept saying in disbelief “oh my god you’re so hot” and that was kinda awesome.

The above is a true story. It started in the bar as Manchild and I were playing pool and he kissed me. Then he kissed me again. Then we left and stopped at a strip club for all of 5 minutes because he kissed me again. Then my brain shut down and my genitals took over. Obviously I was attracted to him but I probably should have left once I got to his place and realized it was a shed in somebody’s backyard behind a garage that they turned into an apartment by adding a toilet, shower, sink, and kitchen appliances (honestly I can’t believe what some people in this city get away with calling apartments and renting out as habitable living spaces).

Anyway, back to the point, which is that after reading the above, A’s only response was to laugh and say “try not to do that again.” He scored major points for this reaction.

0

I’ll stick with my lady bits, thanks…

The average man has about 11 erections each day and several more at night.

Source: SexHealthMatters – Male Erection Frequency

I’ll take bleeding for a few days every month over having something hard sticking out of my pants randomly.

I really thought that daily erections were something only teenage boys experienced, but when I asked 2 men in my life, their answers were “I have a lot” and “I’m at 27 a day.”

I learn something new every day!

2

Oh, Tinder

I love Tinder. I love that it’s a complete time-waster. I love that it’s shallow and based solely on looks. I love the gratification I get when I am matched with someone I actually find attractive. And of course, I really really love seeing what some people consider to be good dating etiquette.

For those of you who are not familiar with Tinder, it is described as “the new way to meet people around you.” It works by searching the area around you using GPS to find members of the opposite sex also on Tinder. Once a potential match comes up you have the option to anonymously “like” or “dislike” that person by swiping their picture to the right (“like”) or left (“dislike”).

searching!

 
 

a “recommendation”

 
 
Note in the above image the “shared friends” link. Since Tinder connects to your Facebook account, you can see whether you and your potential match have any friends in common.

If you like someone and they like you back, you get an alert that you have a match and can start chatting with that person. If you dislike someone they can’t talk to you, even if they liked you.

my matches!

 
 
I met somebody once from Tinder – he wasn’t my type, and although I tried to keep it friends-only because we had similar interests, even that didn’t end up working for me. He did buy me a lot of drinks though, so that was cool.

I still “Tinder” (yes, I just used it as a verb) and thought I would share some of the more memorable people I’ve seen on it. Below are examples of the type of profile pictures you should not use on a dating/hookup site if you ever hope to get laid:

not even sure what to say about this winner

 
 

it’s hard to resist a man who kills shit!

 
 

not the most flattering pic, he looks constipated

 
 

no, no, and no

 
 

ew, gross

 
 

sexy!

 
 

I hate robots. Or whatever this is supposed to be.

 
 
It’s not all bad though. For example, this guy made me laugh:

Tinderella – get it!?

 
 
This is clever:

 
 

The best though is this guy I was matched with – if I was single I would have been all over this beautiful man:

drool……

 
 
I could look at him all day….and imagine so many things….