And you can now find me….
Here: Girl, Exhilerated!
See you on the other side!
You Just Never Know…
…where your life will end up.
I didn’t think that a year ago I would have met a super awesome man on an online dating site when I was least expecting it (but isn’t that always the way, I guess?), that the relationship would have taken me to Jamaica twice, and that within a year of meeting we would be living together.
I also didn’t think that I could be this content AND that I would be preparing to conceive in the new year.
I’ve been thinking of taking this blog to a new location to start over documenting this new chapter…stay tuned….
Brain matter
This weekend my brain decided to throw me another awesome little surprise in the form of a migraine.
I saw “another” because when I was 15 I started having these short 10-second episodes where I felt like I was rising out of my body. I would get 10 to 20 episodes a day, but never thought much of them, and never mentioned anything to my parents.
Eventually I was getting fewer, and by the time I was in college I was having them a couple times a year.
Within 6 months of my first ever “adult” job I had a grand mal seizure (in the office, during a meeting, awesome). At the ER the doctor informed me that I had had a seizure, and that she was required to report this to the Ministry of Transportation as they have to suspend my license until I can be cleared by a neurologist.
Of course, this being Canada, it took 2 months to get in to see the neurologist. At this point, I had another grand mal seizure on Christmas Eve (1.5 months after the first). By this time though I had done a lot of research on seizures and had already come to the conclusion that those short episodes I had in my teens were simple partial seizures. This is also the feeling I get in the seconds before losing consciousness from a grand mal (then it’s called an aura).
The neurologist confirmed I have temporal lobe epilepsy through an EEG, and I was put on medication. Since that time I have been seizure free (8 years now).
I woke up Friday morning at 4am with a pounding headache. I fell back asleep, hoping that the headache would disappear with more sleep. Too bad that wasn’t the case because I woke up to my alarm clock and it was even worse. It was centred in the front of my head, around my temples, and behind my eyes (even now I can feel some eye strain and tenderness at my temples). I managed to get through the day at work, but mostly because there wasn’t much to have to focus on.
I went to bed Friday night thinking that there was no way I was going to wake up with this pain still – except I did, which is when I made the decision to go to the doctor (correction: my mother gave me the ultimatum of seeing whether my doctor could see me that morning or going to the ER. There was no way I was going to sit around sick people for hours if I could help it).
When my doctor assessed me she confirmed that I was having a migraine. She gave me a prescription for Tylenol 3 – and thank god Mr. Dreads was around to drive me because I was in no condition. As soon as I got home I popped one of those suckers, and waited. Nothing happened, except I got really tired and had a nap.
Surely I thought it would have been gone when I woke up – but nope! I popped another one, and waited again. Nothing.
After another 4 hours waiting I took 2 more and went to bed. At the very least they allowed me to sleep somewhat peacefully despite the pounding in my head.
Sunday I woke up with minimal pain but felt like complete crap. In fact, I felt similar to how I feel after a seizure – lethargic, nauseous, and overall just shitty. Apparently this is common after both a seizure and a migraine, except this shitty feeling has lasted through to today.
At what point can I expect this to stop? I am leaving for Jamaica early tomorrow morning and would hate to feel like this stepping off the plane. Actually I would hate to feel like this at all, but certainly not while sitting trapped on a plane for 4 hours. I’m already a pretty bad traveller, I don’t need this shit to make it worse.
Butterflies
My first romantic experience with a boy came in the 8th grade. His name was Jon (no “h”), he had red hair (I’ve always had a thing for guys with red hair – yes I know, I am capable of attraction to men other than those of the black persuasion), and his family had just moved into my neighbourhood. Actually, he was a transplanted American, so he was also the first non-Canadian boy (which apparently became somewhat of a trend in my life).
Being from a warmer state and arriving in the dead of winter he was wholly unprepared, opting to wear shorts in the middle of February to his first day of school. He had a winter coat at least, but the image he makes in my head is quite odd – skinny stick legs poking out of boarder shorts, a winter coat bulking up his torso, and a mop of red hair.
Despite his clear awkwardness in life, we shyly grew closer as Winter turned to Spring and then to Summer. At least, as close as things can grow when you’re as inexperienced as we were (oh those were the days when I waited until at least the SECOND date to sleep with someone). One warm evening at dusk we decided to go for a walk down our street alone, and it was while we were walking that he grabbed my hand.
I was shocked that a boy that wasn’t a relative was touching me, and I felt giddy and happy and those familiar butterflies – imagine, from something as innocent and as simple as hand-holding.
Eventually Jon and I parted ways and never made it past the hand-holding stage (no folks, he never even made it to first base, clearly things have changed in my dating life).
At times I get the same feeling from A – those butterflies that come from something new, from someone you genuinely like. It’s been a long time since I’ve had that and I’m really enjoying it.
And for the record: it’s so much better at 30 than it was at 14.
Wow I’m old
I’ve been really loving PARTYNEXTDOOR lately – his music is a nice break from the usual Dirty South Hip Hop I listen to. I love the confidence he exudes in the music….and I love love love that he’s from the Greater Toronto Area.
Plus he’s kinda cute, so excuse me while I have a few daydreams about this man:
(totally the type of guy I would go for)
Except……………….he’s 20!?
That would be a new low for me – and I thought Manchild was bad!
Daydream = dead. Oh well.
One day this will get me in trouble, I just know it
So apparently my new thing is texting the wrong person. Usually the texts are meant to go to A, but because I’m usually multi-tasking or just not paying attention I end up sending A’s texts to other people….like Mr. Dreads, my father, my old coworker….
Luckily for me none of these texts have been too personal…..yet…..but I did have a moment this morning when I realized I accidentally told Mr. Dreads that I was ovulating.
Note: A had mentioned that he was having dreams I was pregnant and this was my response to him, as well as my usual “Good Morning”
Thank god Dreads and I are close friends or that could have been awkward.
Below are some of my favourite wrong number texts….funny because they didn’t happen to me!
Enjoy, and Happy Thursday!
Men, I feel bad for you (and your penises)
I guess you really can’t win when it comes to penis size:
Dr Christopher Morriss-Roberts claims that size does matter and that the bigger a man’s penis is the better, so far as athletes are concerned.
However, he caveats this claim with the explanation that men who are very well-endowed are sometimes the subject of suspicion as to how effectively they can use their generous organ.
Also, my new favourite term is “cock-supremacy” – awesome.
Enjoy:
To my angel
Dear Molly,
Where do I start with you? Your ability to change even non-dog loving people into (at the very least) Molly-lovers is amazing.
Your quiet demeanour and sweet nature make you instantly loveable. Anybody who doesn’t melt when they look at your smiling face clearly has no soul. I admire your enthusiasm for EVERYTHING (which is why your name tag says “Molly!“), your ability to accept change without fear, and your desire to make friends with every dog and person you meet.
You make me laugh constantly. Your funny faces, ears that seem to have a mind of their own, and your little butt that wiggles when you’re happy melt my heart. And who knew one dog could find so many interesting ways to sleep on one chair?
You have always been so curious about the world – even as a puppy you were constantly picking up things from the ground and bringing them inside. I lost count of the number of times I had to pull a twig, or rock, or beer bottle cap from your mouth after a quick outing to the park. Even now your nose is always to the ground taking everything in.
I also love that YOU love to get dirty – you are always the first one to jump in the snow, in the mud, or in the lake. I have countless images of you sleeping in the dirt in the summer to keep cool. You remind me that it’s not always necessary to be pristine to be cute.
I’m pretty sure that you are my own personal angel, sent here to remind me to chill the fuck out sometimes. You have been an absolute perfect, low maintenance, sweet dog, and you have managed to double the love in my heart – and the love in my life.
Love,
Ashley
To my beautiful girl
Dear Ruby,
You are an amazing dog. I want nothing more than to see you happy for the rest of your life. I don’t know what your life was like before you came to me – I only know that it was neglectful and stressful, and I can’t even imagine how anyone could even think of not loving you as much as you give love.
Our bond was immediate and I loved that you seemed to trust me right away – not even hesitating to jump in the truck for the first ride home and promptly falling asleep in the front seat. You were a bit beat up, thin and emaciated with droopy skin and a very noticeable scar on your leg but I still think you were beautiful. It’s been amazing to watch you go from a sickly looking dog to show dog material in only a matter of months – all you needed to thrive was a proper diet, and a little bit of love.
I’ve loved watching you come out of your shell and slowly show your true silly self – from a somewhat shy and reserved dog to the silly girl that has no problem throwing her own toys for a game of chase if nobody else feels like playing. I love that you would put my life before yours without hesitation – and I’m reminded of the first night when you stepped in front of me, barking, to warn off a strange man who wanted to ask for directions.
I’m sad that you have issues with other dogs. I don’t know where it stems from, but I can only guess that it comes from living in a stressful environment for most of your life. My wish is that you could learn to trust other dogs and be able to play with them the same way you play with me – you could be such a good playmate for other dogs if you could overcome your fear and aggression and I would love to see you able to run with other dogs without stress.
I want you to know that you have absolutely nothing to worry about anymore. You will always have food, water, and a warm place to sleep. You will always have love and affection and toys to occupy you. Nobody will ever hurt you again, or neglect you, or cause you pain or worry. You are safe.
Love,
Ashley
So apparently I was fat
It started with my stepmother exclaiming before Jamaica (part one) “You’ve lost weight! You look amazing!”
Then one of my tenants commented at the beginning of March “You’ve lost weight! I can tell, you look really good.”
Then dear Mr. Dreads made the same comment this weekend, exclaiming that I look so much thinner than when we dated. I believe the word “fat” even popped up at some point in the conversation.
While cleaning out my desk at the office I found a picture from the summer of Mr. Spice and I at the zoo. Holy cow I look “fat”.
After seeing that picture I’ve come to realize that I don’t want to be that girl again. Maybe that makes me vain but the thought of carrying more weight than I need to also makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
I also don’t want to be super thin. Been there, done that and I don’t intend to go back. Actually I probably couldn’t even if I tried without resorting to an eating disorder.
I’m really happy with where I’m at right now. I have enough weight to have actual curves, but not enough weight that I’m uncomfortable donning a bikini. Or being naked in front of someone. I’d even consider wearing a crop top if I didn’t think I was just too old for that now.
In other news – 8 days until I get to see A again! So excited to be back there!
Girl, Intoxicated 